I Hate My Parents!!

I hate my parents! I hate them for who they are. I hate them for what they did when I was a child. The held my hand when I couldn’t stand on my own, picked me up when I couldn’t walk, caught me before I could fall, and wiped my tears off every time I cried, they gave me everything I needed even before I could ask for it, they forgave me for sins that even god wouldn’t forgive me for, taught me how to write, taught me how to speak, taught me humility, humanity and humbleness. It’s been eighteen years since they brought me into their lives, for the past eighteen years of my life I have been taking them for granted. They give me unconditional love, and I give them unconditional hatred. What I said amused me but it hurt them, every mistake I made was an experience for me, for them it was another struggle. Not once did they ask me for anything, and they never will.

I hate them for the love and care that they have given me, for I do not know if I would be able to love them as much as they love me. Even if I try to love them more than anybody or anything in the world I would never be able to come close to the amount they love me for a day. Every drop of blood that flows in them has my name on it, they wouldn’t think twice to sacrifice this blood so that I could live for another minute. They may go hungry but they would never allow the food to finish in my plate. They may wear the same clothes every day just so that I could have a new pair for every other day.

But what about the future, when they begin to age, when their bodies have weathered because of the struggles they have gone through to keep me alive, when though their will and mouth still as strong as steel yet their bodies are as weak as twigs, what will happen to them then? When it will be my turn to love them like my children, to take care of their fragile bodies, to lift them up when they can’t walk, to hold their hand when the earth beneath them is uneven, to feed them when they have no teeth left, or when they cry in pain to wipe their tears off.  Will I be there, will I give them what they take for granted in me, the love that they gave me, would I have the same for them?

I love my parents and if I have no clothes to wear I would make sure you do, and if I have clothes to wear I will make sure a hundred like you will be clothed. If I have the strength I would lift you atop the Mt Everest, if I had the will I would never let you cry in pain, if I have a heart I shall name after no one but you!

See my love that I have for you! With every promise comes an ‘if’! It proves that I can never love you as much as you love me, for you never had an ‘if’ before you did anything for me, the love that you had for me was unconditional love, love so pure that religion seemed stained. But look what I have for you- before the test of time comes, I have already set forth my conditions on my love for you. This is the love that I have for you.

Love your parents unconditionally, because they did the same without anybody asking them to!              

Thirteen minutes of the day...

I believe that for thirteen minutes in a day a person is true to himself. The rest of the time he is living in a world of make belief. This game of make belief that begins at a very young age, where we play games like “chor police” or enacting our favourite super stars, little do we know that we are going to end up spending our lives in the make belief world. The better we are at it in our childhood, the better we will be when we grow up.

Though there is an existence of reality and our presence is in reality, we still create our own make belief world.  The love, affection, trust, desire and nature we show to people are often make belief. We have realized the importance of socializing and now are beginning to realize how important it is to bluff your feelings and nature, just to seem more agreeable to society, to be accepted, to be liked, to be needed and wanted, “to go with the flow” as some people call it.

We start in school when we realize that to fit into the ‘’friends’’ category we have to do some things that we may not like, though we really do not want to bully the frail looking class mate, we have to do that to be accepted in the better group of friends as we seem to believe. Here starts our make belief world.

This is followed by the college make belief world, where we portray ourselves completely in a different manner. We now have a new image, the old bully or bullied image is now replaced by a fresh new chalkboard image. This image is whatever we imagine it to be and we work towards securing that! We show our interest in debates and public speaking because we believe that will get us importance. We show our talent in music because we believe that we will be better accepted. Most people learn to play the guitar in the hope that some girl will get impressed rather than actually having to enjoy the music. We try in every way possible to get our social acceptance, in every way possible, by hook or by crook. We use the new and the unknown as an advantage, we use people’s innocence to our benefit as they don’t know who we actually are, we can create ourselves to be whoever we want.

Another parallel make belief world we create is of the lover. I am not disagreeing with the fact that we may be in love, but behind that love there is also the acceptance of many unwanted and undesired things, for example your lover may be very loud, but with the love that you have for your partner you may behave as to seem unaffected by it, when actually your blood is boiling from inside. Here again we make compromises, going for romantic movies we never liked or drinking wine that taste worse than a diet coke. We all make our partners feel special by indirectly adjusting to their needs. We keep up a smile on our face to show that we like what they are saying when in reality it would least affect us in any way. Here we play the role of a perfect lover.

And once we start working we are always playing it sophisticated, working according to the way society wants you to. We have to impress our boss, look at the business channel or the news to make ourselves feel important, own a car, big house, big parties, designer wear, because that’s what society expects you to have to be a successful man! We are expected to be charitable with our wealth even though we have worked day and night to amass such wealth, it’s not the society’s money so they don’t care, all they have is expectations.

Even though we don’t care as to how many people have died on the street when we already have sick people living in our houses with a first class ticket to god arriving any moment. We don’t really care as to how rich people are and their assets in billions on the Forbs top ten list, when we barely have enough money to pay the rent. We read about the top ten colleges in the world when we can’t afford to get into the ten worst ones, because we don’t have the calibre and neither the money. Yet we still read this information, to make conversation, to connect to society.

But amongst this entire make belief world that we live in there is those thirteen minutes in our lives that we are true to ourselves. Where we just block the outside world and be ourselves. Thirteen minutes a day we are who we are, and we do not care about what the world thinks. For everyone these thirteen minutes comes at different times. It may come to some in breaks and to some continuously. But it is destined to come, and we can neither help it nor stop it. But the truth is that we don’t mind it, and we never will, because we love it and wish every moment that this would last forever but, life just isn’t fair. We move on, waiting for the next day, where once again those thirteen minutes will give us a reason to live, to live for the days to come, no matter how tough, how happy, or how sad the situation might be. We should embrace those thirteen minutes, understand it and cherish it. For they are rare and do not last very long. Be yourself people! Be yourself! Believe in what you believe, not in what others want you to believe in! 

I Believe in the Evil

This thought is based on good and evil. I in my short existence on this planet have realized the importance of good and evil. In many societies it is a complete taboo to utter the word evil, in some societies people are scared to be associated to the evil, and many women have lost their lives over false witch hunting which brings me to this thought.

I believe that evil is way more important than good because it is the degree of evil that defines how good a person is. Have we ever thought that if there was no evil there wouldn’t be any good. To strengthen my point I’ll give a few explanations.

Firstly good and evil are opposites, hence no evil-no good. But this is a simple explanation for the shallow minded people.

Secondly, and the much more deeper thought is that only because we do not commit certain deeds that are evil do we become good people. For example theft is an evil thing to do and if we do not steal we are good people. Hence we can see that it is the evil that defines the good. To further strengthen my point, if stealing wasn’t an evil thing to do, it would neither be a good thing to do, it would just be a normal part of our lives, leaving us un affected.

My third and final reason is that only because there is evil do we believe in the good and the god, we pray to god to protect us from evil, we pray for his help when we are in trouble, we ask him to forgive those who have done something evil against us.

I believe that there is a very strong balance of good and evil and we cannot change it. The more good we try to spread the more evil will too. All we can do is try and change the type of evil that we have to face. 

Whats on your mind?

there are 

Trust is a bitch!

Walking through those new doors,

Staring down at the cemented floors,

I walked on with no one by my side,

With every chance I got I took to hide.

To the loved ones I said my goodbye,

Just as the time went flying by,

Few months later I met a friend,

We never had enough time to spend.

Then one day came a test,

Thought I would pass it to the best,

Little did I know,

That the gap will grow.

With trust being skinned to bare,

I realized it was never there.

Is the Mosquito the Problem?

Today I was lying down on my bed trying to catch up on some lost sleep, it was three in the afternoon and my eyes were as droopy as they would be at 3 in the morning! The lights were off and the curtains were drawn, the weather was perfect and the silence was deafening.

I was already half way through being unconscious, and the hazy yet clearing picture of me driving my Aston Martin in the country side was forming. Eric Clapton playing on the stereo and a chilled bottle of beer was sitting in the door pocket. It was like eternal bliss. It was one of those dreams you wished came true.  

Just as this picturesque dream began to form and play in my dreams, I heard a buzzing sound. It was a stupid mosquito, I was pulled out of my dreams in Hollywood style, and now I was looking at a mosquito buzzing and circling around my head. Though tiny, yet causing the maximum number of human deaths in the world, this fragile looking creation of nature carries deadly diseases with ease, it can be considered no less that an Aston Martin, but it is not highly regarded as a topic to dream upon, more of a nightmare I can say .

Now my sleep was lost, lost and gone, nowhere to be found, all that remained in and around my head was that mosquito.

Staring blankly at the fan I realized something. I realized that problems are just like a mosquito. 

They keep coming when you least expect them to come, will keep nagging at you, and sometimes even suck the life out of you, they are deadly at times, and have a permanent presence. They remain around you and also take a large amount of place in your head! Just when you seem to relax and have the time of your life, problems destroy them for you. We end up not fulfilling a few of our dreams because problems in our lives do not allow us to reach our goals! The “smallest” of problems can cause the greatest of affects. And they keep coming back for you.

Now there are two ways of solving the mosquito crisis, by using chemical evaporators or nets, which only give us a sense of satisfaction, but no real satisfaction, because neither of them really solve the problem, they only give us temporary relief. The other way is the way of squishing them to their death, a smack of the hand or the newspaper gives us a permanent solution.

The same way we have two ways of combatting our problems, the first being- taking external help, help taken in kind or in cash, which only deters the problem. The other way is by squishing the problem just like the mosquito, this can be achieved by using our strength, will power and determination, eradicating the problem forever!

But it’s not all that easy, because just like unlimited mosquitoes, there are unlimited problems, they will continue to come, we just need to fight them off to live another day! Don’t lose hope, just like we don’t think much of a mosquito, we need to do the same for our problems, it makes it easier! When the mosquito comes to buzz around you, don’t cover your face with your blanket, it will always find a way in!   

Ten reasons as to why I shouldn’t give up my life

A few days back I was asking my friends a simple question, with a not so simple situation. The shortness of the question made it sound irrelevant but it was more a matter of life and death. It was also my way of testing them as to how they felt about each other.

To everyone I asked the question “will you give your life for” followed by a series of names.  The answers I got were not very surprising; in fact I think I had a success rate of a hundred percent. They all would reply with a yes or a no. but little did they realize that the moment I put that question in their head, they had begun to think, “is this guy really worth dying for”. Even though they had already answered, they still thought about it, at least the ones who took it seriously. I saved them the embarrassment of asking them how they so easily chose to give up something they had cared for so much, the reason they ate, spoke, kept themselves happy, studied, wasn’t it ultimately for themselves? It was really easy for them to say that they would give their lives for the following people, but their brains were racking on as to why they should do such a thing.

It becomes even crazier when the time actually comes to give up your life for someone, only a few can live up to what they had said. These people are the ones who don’t want to weigh the consequences, because they love that person too much to actually start valuing their lives in comparison. These are the people who would actually give up their lives for someone.  It is these people who you can call true friends. They are very difficult to find. The rest of them will be standing there giving themselves ten reasons as to why they wouldn’t want to give up their lives rather than ten reasons as to why they should give up their lives. Have you asked yourself that question? 

Three years, three minutes, three seconds ogo...

Three years, three minutes, three seconds ogo;

you held my hand and never let go!

There was a smile on your face when I asked you out;

not once in your mind did you have a doubt.

 Girl I just wanna tell you that you look so pretty;

and everytime I think about you it makes me dizzy.

The hug you give me- its so warm,

even when I am mad it makes me calm!

Girl u said to me- I love your nose- its so long,

and for that- I wrote you this song.

Three years, three minutes, three seconds ogo;

you held my hand and never let go.

Girl I said I am going for long,

all I want from you is to be strong!

Thats when you told me you'll miss me,

and thats the first time you kissed me!

Your smile's the sunshine and the rain your tears,

 God I wish it doesnt rain for another fifty years!

It will be sunny and you- all smiles

and for that baby I'll swim a hundred miles!

Three years, three minutes, three seconds ogo;

you held my hand and never let go.

Now this songs really over!

But not our love cause its gonna last forever!

Three years, three minutes, three seconds ogo;

you held my hand and never let go!

There was a smile on your face when I asked you out;

not once in your mind did you have a doubt.

 Girl I just wanna tell you that you look so pretty; 

and everytime I think about you it makes me dizzy.

The hug you give me- its so warm,

even when I am mad it makes me calm!

Girl u said to me- I love your nose- its so long,

and for that- I wrote you this song.

Three years, three minutes, three seconds ogo;

you held my hand and never let go.

Girl I said I am going for long,

all I want from you is to be strong!

Thats when you told me you'll miss me, 

and thats the first time you kissed me!

Your smile's the sunshine and the rain your tears, 

 God I wish it doesnt rain for another fifty years!

It will be sunny and you- all smiles

and for that baby I'll swim a hundred miles!

Three years, three minutes, three seconds ogo;

you held my hand and never let go.

Now this songs really over! 

But not our love cause its gonna last forever!

Then came the rain again....

This is a story about Rargi, a small village in Gujarat, which faced immense drought a few years ago, the crop failed and people were dying. 

The village of Rargi was, more of the developed ones compared to the villages surrounding it with its own well. They never faced a water crisis till that particular year. There was such severe drought that their well had dried up and now they were being forced to walk to the next closest well.

It was the job of the women to collect the water and so they had the tedious task of walking more than eight kilometers a day.

The village which was generally blooming with work and busy people had now become desolate; the children were not running around in the narrow village lanes anymore. The men who walked to and fro, acting like busy men, now preferred to stay indoors, the women who would generally meet up at the village park every evening were replaced by cracks in the barren land. The once busy evergreen village now represented the early signs of a desert!

It was a Monday morning and the women of the village had gathered for their monthly meeting. The main cry was the worsening  situation of the water crisis, all were worried about their husbands crop failure and their children's health, they felt helpless and didn't know who to approach. Letters to the district authorities went unanswered. 

On their way back they found a unclothed child, young, yet frail, with pale blue skin. Every minute that passed by took his soul with it, little by little. Beside him lay a flute, it was his only possession.  Robbed, kidnapped, abandoned were the questions coming in the women’s minds.  

They managed to wake him up, fed him some water and brought him to their village, where they fed him food, provided him with some clothes and nursed him to health.

A week had passed since he was hearty again. He was still living in the village, would sleep under a tree and ate what the villagers gave him. They wondered as to why he never spoke, they all loved to play with him, his curly raven black locks, hazel eyes and blue skin enchanted the young women. The women had asked him many a times to play the flute for them, but either he seemed not to understand, or not to care.

Meanwhile, there was no improvement in the weather and rather were turning for the worst! If it didn’t rain soon, death would be inevitable.  The women were debating on their weekly gathering, wondering what would happen to their children. It was a completely helpless situation, with no one knowing what to do.

That’s when they heard a tune, something they never heard before, it was soothing and soft, and melodious. They wondered as to what it was and from where it came.

The women got up in search of the melody, to their surprise, or not, they saw the boy playing, he was once again unclothed, his body had a sense of glow, a glow that seemed to out-glow the sun, he was playing the flute. But just as it got louder the villagers could see clouds moving in their direction, getting bigger as they came closer to them from the horizon. 

As the flute got louder it began to rain, accompanying the flute's already enchanting tune was the smell of fresh wet mud.The trees began to sway, arm in arm, the birds chirped uncontrollably. As the boy walked, he took the pain, suffering and hunger away with him. The villagers kept looking as the figure blurred into the distant horizon, leaving behind an everlasting mark. does god really exist among us? 

Does Time Exist? a theory on the concept of time..

Time? A measurable Quantity?

Time as a measurable quantity. Well every day in our lives someone comes up to us and asks us what time it is and we look at our watches and give them an answer depending upon the hour and minute hand, but is that really the time? Another question is that the phrase “time stops for nobody” really true, is the continuous movement of the hands of your watch really the unstoppable movement of time?

  Well my opinion is that time is not really measureable. Our version of time is a system of recording human life in a chronological order so that we can refer to the past records of history. But if we walk into the deeper meaning of time it is not really a measureable Quantity. We have created our own definition of time, this can easily be proved by the universally set standard of Before Christ and After Death. This concept clearly shows that during Before Christ time was moving in reverse order and After Christ in a clockwise manner. We have gladly set this rule, but we fail to realize that this is a human based concept just to make life more uncomplicated and manageable.

But we can only realize the true essence of time if we realize that time is not an hour, minute or second; it is the present past and the future.

To be really revolutionary, time I feel is a constant, time doesn’t move or change, our aging process is not due to time but due to our bodies wearing out, our bodies have nothing to do with time, time doesn’t change, time only as a measurable value on our watches is moving, otherwise time is a constant figure, the earths rotation, the revolution, all this is just to maintain the flow of energy, energy is the real flowing quantity, it is what flows into us and out of us, as we age, our bodies loose its ability to absorb the energy we could in earlier times, that’s what makes us old, and not time!

Lonely, a poem by a not so poetic man..

Lonely I feel,yet so lonely I want to be,

Tired I am,yet tired I want to be.

I waste my time thinking of dreams to dream,

but my time is less to fulfill those unremembered dreams.

With every breath I take,

To every second a goodbye I bade.

Help is another word for begging,

Every moment without it which I am dreading.

Frothy liquids,

 have lightened the spirits.

But as the froth fades away,

It leaves the stains of those gloomy a day.

Once again I am dreaming,

And my sorrows are beaming.

But now I have to get up and work my way,

For today is a bright lucky day! 

Does God Exist, A theory...

Does god exist?

Ever since the concept of god came into being people have questioned the creditability of his existence, the most common question, which is generally every atheist’s first defense is that “can you prove that god exists?” Well though this is just an opinion and not a theory, that the whole point of we not being able to prove gods existence makes him supreme, makes him what he is. If god could be seen, heard or felt, he would be deemed subservient or at the same level as a human being, it wouldn’t be long then that then people would start trying to match the almighty, the unimaginable strength of god comes from the fact that we do not know as to how much strength he has, if we prove his existence, his powers too would be measurable, hence his superiority would be questioned as how many of us would bow down to another living being? How could we believe in something that himself is not superior to the forces of nature? I believe that God is a power that is created on belief and not in existence, we should believe in god, not in his existence. God is fuelled by hope, faith and his strength grows with the amount of belief we have in him, hence his strength is infinite as hope and belief is something that can’t be measured.  By trying to prove that he exists, even to say in our hearts, we are measuring him against something that has limits, which indirectly contradicts his strengths. His existence can be explained with an example of space, we all agree that space exists cause we believe we can see it, we believe that we can measure it, but do we really measure space? We can only anticipate its vast existence by measuring the different stars at the farthest distances, even scientists agree that space is ever expanding, in the same way the power of god is ever expanding, and he affects us in life only till the measureable distances of our belief, by this I mean that if I barely believe in god, everything good or bad that happens to me is a coincidence, but to a middle minded believer, when something good happens to him, he believes it is a blessing of god, and for those who believe in him to a large extent, believe that their fate has been written by god and to follow the written destiny, hence in simple words god is what we believe in,  his strength is in our belief in him and not his existence. My use of him/her itself is wrong because we cannot genderise something that supreme to all, those who genderise god, do so only to glorify their own gender, as how can a belief have a gender and secondly how can something supreme to human beings be either a man or woman? So if you ask me, god is there believ3e in him, do not waste time trying to believe in his existence.

Psychological Disorder

For most part of my 18 yrs of life on this planet I have been a perfect example of a social retard, the most anti social man you can find, the most socially unavailable, but does that really lonely, is spending time with yourself, or rather on yourself really mean that I am a loner what if I get sheer enjoyment in being alone, is that also considered a bad thing? Most of the people who have any kind of regular interaction with me begin to believe that there is something wrong with me every time I as to be left alone. But actually I just enjoy myself sitting there doing my thing, but people don't understand that! It is difficult for those to interpret it. Some say it might be a psychological disorder, but  my own gut feeling or rather my opinion is that what we believe to be a psychological order may not be evidently true, psychological order has been formed on the basis of general consensus, the majority human nature, everything else is placed under disorder. But that is not a justified form of classification, as we are simply stating that if eighty percent of the world is not  mad then the rest twenty percent is! We cannot call this a psychological disorder we can at a maximum call it a psycological differentiation. So I believe that nothing is wrong with us its just that we want to live our lives differently!